I just spent an hour and a half catching up on LJ. I went back 180 journals and it dead ended and was just like "go later?" and I said no. No... If I've missed anything... meh.

I find it interesting how my friends on here are really just Lash with a blip from Zee...

I've been happily playing video games. They're sucking my soul aaannd... I kinda like it.

My cats are annoying but fine. Little man is over has his nuts cut.

I've been working 5-6days a week lately which is good and bad for the obvious reasons.

Anyone have a folding treadmill I can have?

...bored now.

They're fine.

HA!

They're cats; what the fuck. Nothing special going on.

Me too. Working, video-gaming.

Tonight is Halloween Horror Nights!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now to disappear for a few more months and then burp a post up with a funny icon.

www.weirdasianews.com/2008/08/07/man-almost-loses-penis-humping-steel-bench/

You can't make this shit up...

I'm not dead. Just nothing to report.

I hate writers block. I wanna punch it in the face.

I'm a bad friend to more than just one lovely woman.

Someone fix my car.

Someone fix my life.

Someone fix me.

I now officially hate cats. I'm selling all of mine and getting a cute little puppy. Maybe 2.

I think it's time to worry when certain things start smelling like wet cat food.

I found out today that I do have a "postsecret" and since I hate secrets, here it is: I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt you one day by leaving you.

I'm actually getting tired of Family Guy... *epic sad*

I really like the word "EPIC!"

I find it annoying that my life's a movie and yet I can't make one.

I want to go to the movies.

I want to stop working. God forbid that I have a job I actually like.

*epic sigh o' doom* - not really. I just find that amusing.

This was posted by Grrlplanet back in April but I've been bad at keeping up. I watched this twice it was so funny. lol! I love that she laughs at herself.

</div>

They called the Pope a "celibate, Italian, weirdo."

You can't get much better than that, folks.

It was Ned Flanders as a Cardinal talking to Henry the 8th a.k.a. Homer saying the "celibate, Italian, weirdo knows more about marriage than you."  HA!

(Backstory on that is Henry wants to make a Church that has Divorces but the Cardinal doesn't think that's such a good idea. Looses the funny when you have to explain.)

Everything below is a direct journal of my friend faerie_lullaby  posted June 5th '09. Read it if you care about gays/trans/lez, etc.

c/ped from </a></b></a>totaled

I'm sure a lot of you are unaware of the completely abhorrent act that happened last week. I say this because I was unaware of it until Wednesday morning, when the lovely </a></b></a>wook77 made this post:

http://wook77.livejournal.com/241567.html

The long in short: right-wing, "shock jock" radio hosts, Rob and Arnie of KRXQ in Sacremento, unleashed a half hour long rant demonizing transgender/gender questioning children, even going so far as to condone and proudly justify violence against them. They were not reprimanded. They were not fired. They offered a "sort of" apology after pressure from GLAAD, which basically amounted to being sorry that people didn't get their "joke", but won't apologize for their "opinions" or what they actually said. They believe there is nothing wrong with what they said.

They believe there is nothing wrong with calling at-risk children and teens "freaks" and being glad when society "beats them down." One of the hosts proudly proclaimed that he would beat his own son with his shoes if he ever caught him putting on a pair of high heels, or wearing a dress.

This is absolutely no joke, folks. When I first read about this, it made me feel sick to my stomach. This is not okay. This is hate speech. Howard Stern got fired for talking about sex too graphically one too many times. Don Imus was fired for using a racial slur. These two were actually, ON AIR, discussing BEATING CHILDREN with great enthusiasm (which, whether they are trans or not is ILLEGAL), and they get away with it with a half-assed apology.

No no no no NO.

Unfortunately, money is the only thing that matters to these people, and the best thing to do (aside from loudly and publicly denouncing this kind of behavior) is to hit them where it hurts: the bank.

Snapple, Sonic, and Chipotle have already pulled their advertising from the station. Three cheers for them! But I want them to lose all of their advertising, until these two are off the air and publicly shamed for their atrocious behavior.

Being the lovely that she is, </a></b></a>wook77 did the ground work, writing up a draft email that you are free to c/p, and compiling a list of advertisers and their email addresses. It's here: http://wook77.livejournal.com/241760.html I will be doing my own mass email today. I strongly encourage you do to the same.

Until we all start to make noise that this kind of behavior is wrong and hurtful, it won't stop. Of course, the people who aren't in bandom on my flist, I would hope you feel the same way and will also take part. But I called bandom out specifically because to me, this is the most trans friendly/trans open fandom I've been involved in, and I hope you are all as outraged by this as I am.

Quite a few companies have already pulled their advertising; LJ users are awesome. But it never hurts to have more, so click the links, read through, and send emails. Copy and paste to your own journals, let your own flist in on the action.

NO CUT FOR JOO!

Centaur:
[x] You are rather wild, and let your instincts run you.
[] You get drunk a lot.
[] Bravery and boldness is second nature to you.
[x] You have a deep love for astronomy and the universe.
[] You like to read your daily horoscope.
[] You have a high level of pride in yourself.
[] In the woods is the best place for you to be.
[] You are spiritual.
[] The horse is your favorite animal.
[x] You are possessive and territorial.
Total: 3

Elf:
[] Your ears are slightly pointed at the tips (be honest!).
[x] You are very intelligent.
[x] Your five senses are extremely keen.
[] Your weight is quite a bit lighter than the average person at your particular height. 
[] You always wear elegant clothes and speak as politely as possible.
[x] You are most at peace when you are gazing at something beautiful, like nature.
[x] You look very young for your age.
[x] You rarely get sick.
[x] You are a very hard worker.
[] Above all other superpowers, you would love to read minds or see the future.
Total: 6

Fairy:
[] You are happy a lot of the time.
[] The best superpower to you would be to fly.
[x] You are very shy.
[x] You love the forest and plant life in general.
[x] You are always willing to help others, even if you might not be the best to offer aid.
[x] You are young and short.
[] Dancing is one of your favorite pastimes.
[] If someone ticks you off, you are very clever with getting them back.
[x] Your clothing isn't always presentable, but you are comfortable with what you wear.
[x] Circles are a wonderful symbol of unity to you.
Total: 6

Gnome/Dwarf:
[x] You are excellent with crafts and handiwork.
[x] In social situations, you tend to be a little awkward.
[x] You are short for your age.
[x] You are an isolationist.
[] You love to play practical jokes on people.
[] You are extremely fascinated with jewelry.
[] You look older than your age.
[x] You love the woods and the mountains.
[] You are well off, or come from a family that is well off.
[x] You have a short temper.
Total: 6

Harpy/Siren:
[] You are best at talking bad about people behind their backs and not to their face.
[] When you are annoyed, you will go to a great extent to torment whoever did so to you.
[] You often take things that aren't yours.
[x] You are easily angered.
[x] Death fascinates you.
[x] You are female, or a feminine-looking man. 
[] You associate yourself with the wind element.
[x] You can switch quickly between your light and dark side.
[] You love to trick others.
[] You have a ravenous appetite.
Total: 4

Mermaid:
[x] You love the beach moreso because of the water than the shore itself.
[x] Fish are some of the most beautiful creatures to you.
[] The ultimate superpower to you would be to breathe underwater.
[] You enjoy looking at ships, but not riding them, as well as you like ships for traveling, not hunting in the sea.
[x] You are good at swimming.
[x] You like to collect shells.
[] You use sea items as jewelry or decoration.
[x] You enjoy learning about the ocean and the life inside it.
[x] You are extremely against ocean pollution, and someday, perhaps (if you haven't already), you will work to stop that.
[x] Legs on land are not as important as a fin in the sea.
Total: 7

Vampire:
[x] You're a night person.
[x] You have a fascination with blood. 
[x] You are extremely pale.
[x] You wish you had a bat as a pet.
[x] You are not religious at all.
[x] Tight spaces are not scary or uncomfortable for you.
[x] The sun's glare annoys you all too often.
[] You hate food with lots of garlic in it.
[x] To you, a kiss on the neck is more romantic than a kiss on the cheek or lips.
[] You don't like sharp objects near you.
[x] you sparkle in the sunlight, do i dazzle you?
Total: 9

Werewolf:
[x] The full moon is the most beautiful scene to you.
[] You have a lot of body hair.
[x] The ability to shapeshift is the best superpower to you.
[] You prefer gold over silver items.
[] You lack self control.
[x] You find it easier to have sympathy for animals than for humans.
[x] You have a deep respect for wolves and wild dogs.
[x] You like to be alone. 
[] You have a terrible secret and you only tell people you trust 100% about it.
[] You'd rather be outdoors than indoors.
Total: 5

Wizard/Witch:
[x] You love chemistry.
[x] You are intuitive and good at analyzing people, to the point that people seriously or jokingly say you're psychic.
[x] The most amazing supernatural power to you is controlling the elements.
[x] You are a nature lover.
[x] You have a strong sense of responsibility (you use your talents positively)
[x] You spent a lot of time alone.
[x] You usually hang around with a certain animal all the time when you feel lonely.
[] You are spiritual, but not necessarily religious.
[] Cooking is one of your favorite things to do.
[x] You enjoy learning about Wicca and the occult.
Total: 8

Zombie:
[x] You are pale.
[x] You are hungry a lot. 
[x] Many activities you do every day make you feel mindless, or like a drone.
[x] Most of the time you or a part of you is cold.
[x] You love to eat meat. 
[x] You would resort to cannibalism if that was the only source of food.
[x] You make grunts and moans a lot (such as when you're tired, are annoyed, etc.).
[x] You enjoy learning about psychology because you study the brain.
[] You usually walk slow.
[x] You are not afraid of seeing a lot of blood or getting a lot of blood on yourself.
Total: 9

I'M A VAMPIRE ZOMBIE MERMAID! :D:D:D:D:D:D This does not surprise me at all. . .

For those who don't know: My mother was in a car accident. As the subject says "she's fine."  She hurt her leg to the point of not really being able to lift it up and she was limping. Her back is starting to hurt and her neck. They say, whoever they are, that you hurt the most at 48hours after. She's been to the doctors and she's going to get XRays whenever they call her and she's scheduled for physical therapy. . .  so maybe she's not THAT fine but she's not actually In the hospital - just going to it.

As for me: I'm fine. I'm learning to cook and I'm beginning to second guess my choice in Silly Rabbit as she is CRAZY. And a little retarded. Mostly she just keeps me awake after waking me at around 7AM or 9AM or 30mins before I truly need to wake up by playing with her toy on my bed AS I'M ASLEEP! Fucker.

Ok, that's all for now. My mom took off of work for 2 days and now has 2 regular days off and we'll see about her going back to work soon. . .

I fell asleep at work and had this weird fucking dream that I kept waking up from in the barest since - .1%conscious - and staying in the dream. It was weird. I was in a place I've never been, cozy place, bed, book, but the bed was in an open space, not a bedroom. I see red carpet, oil lamp, books, almost like a home library back in the day when they used to carpet the lower half of the wall. I was reading I think. . .I think there was a book with me. I'm in old timey striped mens PJ's and in the bed, a twin I think. It changed fromoo me being in the bed and in a chair from my .1%consciousness at times. Or maybe it's different. I had cloth over my head in the dream, like strips from my stripped PJ's lossely fitted around my head and eyes. (IRL I had my hoodie over my head and eyes.) There was a man behind a counter like to a hotel and he wore old timey black and white suit, his collar did not have a fold, it was just a collar - American old west , short white hair, didn't look to old, clean, we were in a nice place. Sometimes I talked to him at the counter and asked if he ever [blank] ghosts. He said yes. (saw, felt, I dunno what the blank is) When I was not in the bed and was in the chair that's when the ghost attacked. I think I knew it was going to happen b/c I was prepaired for it. I had the cloth on my eyes and I thought to myself to close my mouth so she can't posses me. I don't know why. I never Saw the ghost. I got an impression of Long, dark, stringy, dirty hair that could've been black & white or grey and dark or something. Also a dirty white or dirty very light grey shapeless "dress" that was supper tattered and had holes in it flying about her. She would come at me and wind would hit my face as if she was controlling it and the instant I thought about closing my mouth a. . .force felt like it was trying to open my mouth. I could hear the wind and feel the "force" but I never saw her or felt the wind itself like a breeze. I just heard a gail of wind and saw her in my mind. I would try to pretend to be alseep and not let her know I felt her or was scared of her though the force of her trying to open my mouth was hard and I had to clamp down and that gave way that I was fighting her. There was never a start or stop to the attacks. It just cut to the attacks or me in bed with the strips on my head or me talking to the desk clerk.

After the last attack I asked the desk clerk if he was ever something about a female ghost- and then he cut me off and said yes. He asked me if I saw her in a bar and for some reason I said yes, though I don't remember it, and he said "she's on me every day at about" this time or maybe he said the same time, and as he was about to tell me his story of her 2 men came up and got his immediate attention right beside him very close, 2 guys with their backs to me and their heads close together like they were whispering but I don't know what and the clerk looked back at me smiling as if to acknowledge me in a "be with you in a moment way" and then I woke up. . .

I have no idea what to think. I tried to google "ghost attack dream" but I came up with stuff that wasn't the same. It was so weird and I've never had an attack dream like that before. I have no idea what it means.

I have to leave work. Tell me what you can, if you can.

For those who care, I don't have internet. I've been bugging a guy for going on 3 MONTHS to fucking get his shit together but no. Nada. NOW at work they're being douchebags and saying that me being on the net is a problem, which is ass b/c I asked what I've been doing wrong and the answer was a resounding.... THERE WAS NO ANSWER B/C HE CHANGED THE FUCKING SUBJECT!!! So that means NOTHING. I'm being punished b/c I don't look professional. ASSES! They KNOW I don't have it at home, the fuckers, and that certain things need to be done online! GRRRR. Angry.

I have a headache.

The end of the day cannot come fast enough. I'm tired and getting cranky and for some reason I want to stuff my fat face every fat minute even when I'm fat full. Godfatit!

Tomorrow I'm being treated to dinner and a funny movie. Monday I'm being treated to dinner. Those things are good. :D

Monday might see me having a Sugar Mamma but who can say these things.

Ashlie is a cunty cunt and she needs to come see me.

My cat is being an ass to the other cat. She hates him and I'm so fed up with her bullshit. Hienekin is fucking sweeter than she is!and the bitch is being mean to him, swiping at him and being a general douche-bitch. What a cunt.

Speaking of Heiny, he already sleeps next to me and I've had him for a week and a half. Scheherazade doesn't do that after 2 months though she was sleeping on the bed and does as long as Heiny isn't there and I swear I'm gonna lose my fucking mind if she doesn't stop her bullshit!

My Sunday employer is not giving raises (as well as my other employer) nor matching our 401K as of this month b/c of the fucking economy. This month makes a year so I get nothin' but my continuing job so I better be fucking grateful. Seeing the unemployed reach so fucking high. . . . I am.

I slept wrong and my neck is fucking killing me which in turn is giving me a goddamn headache. >:( GRRR!!!!

-is about to kill a bitch-

I want to ramble, show passion, give a speech. I want to pace up and down as my skin is crawling up the walls, or something that feels like it. I want to rant and be heard and wake the world, to shake it to it's foundations and build it stronger, wiser and healthier. Kill the people, save the planet, make Utopia, find Nirvana. I feel like I should have a cup of coffee and be smoking a cigarette with manic hair and eyes that are too wide and frenzied, like I have to look the way I feel and it's manic, it's high strung, it's fast and it's going to come to an end; the way things do, the way things should, but what ever happens the way things should. That's not a question. We voted for a change at the same time we went back 50years. Retroactive. One step forward and 2 steps back. You're wrong, you're all wrong but those who are right. And I know, that sounds impossible but it's right. You can't deny it's right. Well, you could but that's pointless. Go feed the starving instead of pointing out flaws. Show there's something better to be done and that it's more important than breathing out your life into the air making it sicken and die.Get up and move, get up and pace, blow up the world where you stand and fly to your god and beat your fists and tell him FIX  IT IF YOU GIVE A SHIT OR LEAVE US ALONE and then have your virgins and try a cigar; I hear wine's good with it. I hate wine. I hate cigars. No, wait, the paper is tasty. Exert yourself for a cause and then sleep until you're dead. Live with passion. Live with fire. LIVE. Stop time, stop death, let it pass, time doesn't exist. It's a measurement. A weighing and judgement. You have all been found wanting.

You make me feel

Out of sight out of mind,
out of heart

out of peripheral vision.
Still air in a still place, still space.

Subconsciously avoided.
Imperceptibly small.
Moved around by a thousand people

who never look at you.
Beaten down by silence
voiceless and blind.

Even ghosts are louder
Even atoms are seen
You make me feel

Invisible.


***************************

The "You" should be an obvious generalization and this takes some looking into. "Even ghosts are louder" means more than just hearing. It means in the mind, the way they cause fear and trepidation, they're paid attention to, seeked out even, when people, friends and family are ignored, hurt, and uncared for. I don't know if this is good enough and it's the first draft so maybe it's not but there it is. I'll leave it to you to figure the rest out.

"All created things must pass. Strive on - diligently."

Today I got called into my second job to work tomorrow. It was going to be my only day off to shop for a couch and hang out with wife#1 and then go to bed early to wake up at 3:45am to start another 6days in a row. 6. Now it's 13 days in a fucking murderous row. I told him he was screwing me royal by calling me in. That I had to wake up. That it's my only day off of working 6days in a row. All he said was sorry and to come in and that he'd buy me something. Can you buy me sleep? Can you buy me time? Can you buy me a really nice fucking couch? No. I suspect not.

I get this thing in my eyes. It's like pixilation and in a C shape around my eye. It either starts as a C shape on the outside and gets smaller as it moves in or it starts small (which is rare) and gets big. Either way, it's blue, white, red and black and moving so rapidly within it's shape that it makes me dizzy and gives me a serious fucking headache. It also makes my eyes go nuts trying to make sense of it and focus around it. My head is stabbing me and moving my eyes is still kinda making me sick even though the thing is gone. Anyone know what the fuck that is??? I tried to look it up once but I'm not really good at that so I didn't really come up with much. Something about needing food or something. I haven't been eating right so I guess that's why it happened twice in 3 days. It's never done that before. It hurts. My head is stabbing me. Did I say that already? I'm not rereading as the eye movement hurts. I'm wearing sunglasses too to try and help. It does mildly.

I want a new tattoo like mad crazy. I can't fucking wait. I have it in mind and the place and I want it. I just don't know when I can get it or if I can afford it. I still haven't been able to get my bed and want to beat the shit out of myself for taking other people's "advice" and waiting even though I was THERE and Ready!!! GODDAMNIT!!!!!

I came to a weird . . .  idea/possible realization. I want the unconditional love of god that he's supposed to give . . . but it's all a lie. There is no love, only vengence from a "malevolent" diety. People fear him and have to do for themselves and I'm hurt that it's a lie. That they dangle my most precious need in front of my face and that it's all just a lie anyway. I'm hurt.

I think everyone's hurt.

Read and Enjoy!!!

Dr. Hibert:  "He's going to be fine. Not you-and-me fine but he's going to be fine."
*
Stewardess for Mr. Burns' private jet:  "My name is Svetlana but you can call me "Hey, Baby." (points finger in "gun" fashion)" 
*
How fucking Funny is that?! I laughed so fucking HARD! HOMG
*
Mr Burns: "Now let's go to the Miami of Canada - Chicago!"
*
Homer: "Commercial airlines are for losers and terrorists."

I’m sorry, my love. I couldn’t see and I slowed down.
And so did he. But not enough.
Not fast enough.

The roads are icy. It was raining. The wind was strong.
People shouldn’t live atop mountains
when you can only go down.

I wanted to see you for Christmas. I wanted to surprise you.
I was bringing you my heart along with my brother. He’s just over there.
He’s just out of reach. I think his shirt is torn.

I can just touch my cell phone and though I want to call you
I can’t breathe. My mouth wont move though I tell it to.
My fingers aren’t responding either.

There’s something warm in my eye. I don’t want to move it in the cold.
I think there’s someone coming. I would tell him to call you, to say
I’m sorry, my love.

I hear wails, like a Banshee coming closer. A Banshee for my brother.
Or is she for me to him? Can he hear her? I can’t tell.
I think his pants are torn.

I must’ve blacked out. (I missed you while I was away.)
My brother’s on a stretcher. I don’t think they know I’m here.
They’re looking,
if I see correctly.
If I see.
I’m sorry, my love.

So it's that day again and again I'm at work. I don't really mind but for the no sleep bit. I might've gotten 3-4hours which is bullshit. It's hot out but it's cold in here as it always is. It's making my hands do that dry, cracked, itchy thing which only happens around now. My left hand looks like it's allergic to something. :( Icky. However! Last night was the family (and by that I mean me and mommy) Holiday and Dana lives there too so she was around. (lol) Mom decided to make dinner at my place so we had Turkey, Stuffing, Gravy, Mashed Potato garlic style, Homemade Biscuits, with chips and pomento cheese before that and a chili taste off with four different chilis that we dipped chips into and tasted. We liked different ones but they were really all delicious. :D I ate WAY too much and thought I was going to explode. . .and then we made COOKIES! Peanut butter with a hersheys kiss (aka Peanut Blossoms) and they were the best fucking things on the planet or Universe. Ask Dana, she'll tell you too. We ate more batter than we did cookies - nearly. I think the batter was better but the cookies had chocolate. I asked, "If my tummy 'splodes, will you take me to the hospital?" and they said yes so I had another cookie. Or five.

I had to go to bed early, which turned into 11pm but I'm okay with that b/c my mommy was there and I miss her and love her super big so I wanted to stay up with her. I got out of cleaning up duty though, which was awesome. :D 'Cept when I woke up there was still a lot of cleaning left to do. Bummer. Back to going to bed, though. I know better than to sleep on a full tummy and as I knew I would I woke in the "middle" of the night, which was like an hour before I had to be up, and I felt like I was going to puke and had such wicked heartburn that it caused the pukey feeling. I took my last Tums and tried to stay up but I was so godaweful tired that I pet my kitty for a few and ended up falling asleep with the light on and laying across my bed. I woke up (b/c I have this ability to wake myself when I'm asleep when I know I shouldn't be sleeping - it's how I make it to work after my alarm's gone off and I go back to sleep) and went to sleep the right way and though I had taken Tums my stomach was still completely full and ouchy and I still have heartburn Now at 7am so there's that. At least it was easier getting ready for work b/c I didn't have to eat breakfast or make coffee so it was packed leftovers and out the door. I mean, I showered and got dressed but that should be already understood.

I'm going with my mom to her friend's for there Xmas dinner and I won't eat a 3rd of what I did last night. I feel sick at the thought of it, really. It should be cool. They're doing Ham so at least it wont be more Turkey, which is lunch today, and I'll be able to go home and nap a bit before going over there. I'll have to change b/c I'm wearing this shirt right now:


How fucking funny is that?!!!!?!?!?!?! Holy shit I love it and I've wanted it for SO LONG and Meagan got it for me for xmas and I about died! THE most perfect shirt to wear on Xmas! Nice.

SPEAKING OF XMAS GIFTS! I GOT SOME! hahaha Yeah, my mom totally bought me a desk top computer and that's awesome. She had a lot of upgrades put in it and I have 500Gigs of whatever on there and that just sounds impressive with whatever you're talking about. :D (seriously I'm so funny and i don't even try) LOL
Dana got me stuff and I got my mom stuff and that's about it. I don't have money and I hope my friends don't kill me for it. I'm not expecting anything from them so it's cool.

Welp, this was a lovely waste of time but I guess I'll drop it. BUY ME SOMETHING. I mean, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! May yours be as fucking killer as mine was last night. :D

Adios.

Bella and Hermione, NC-17, Torture -
( my most beloved fic of my own writing )